A Situationship with Myself

Do you ever find yourself in a whirlwind of thoughts, wondering if you're in a situationship with none other than...yourself?

Situationship 101

First things first, let's break down what a "situationship" is. You've probably heard of this term floating around in the world of modern dating. A situationship is a peculiar, not-quite-a-relationship, not-just-friends kind of arrangement. It's like standing on the edge of a cliff, not quite falling into a committed relationship but not being entirely single, either. Conversely, a committed relationship is often characterized by a lack of clear commitment, boundaries, or a defined path forward.

But the reason I wanted to write about this is that instead of being in a committed relationship with myself, I'm stuck in a situationship. Now, let's apply this perplexing concept to our relationship with ourselves. You might wonder, "Can I really be in a situationship with me, myself, and I?"

After a lot of introspection, I realized there are certain signs, or well red flags if you may call them, that I could notice in my self-situationship, which made me realize that I'm not in a healthy, committed relationship with myself, such as:

1. The Inner Critic: Love and acceptance are the bedrock of a healthy relationship. But do you find yourself criticizing, judging, or being overly self-critical? Like mine, if even your inner dialogue resembles a relentless critic rather than a supportive friend, you might be stuck in a self-situation. It's time to replace self-criticism with self-compassion.

2. Commitment Quandaries: Ask yourself, are you truly committed to being there for yourself, even when times get tough? Or do you bail on self-care when life throws curveballs? I realized that whenever a big problem comes, I completely neglect myself and my needs, which is probably the biggest red flag.

3. Unhealthy Boundaries: Healthy relationships have clear boundaries that ensure mutual respect and emotional well-being. If you're constantly overextending yourself, saying "yes" to everything, or neglecting your own needs to accommodate others, you're essentially treating yourself as a doormat.

4. Inconsistent Support: In a loving relationship, partners are there for each other through thick and thin. But have you noticed that you're quick to criticize yourself for mistakes yet hesitant to celebrate your victories? This inconsistency in self-support is a telltale sign of a self-situationship.

Let me give you a quick trick to check if you are in a self-situationship.

Go and stand in front of a mirror and try to truly appreciate yourself and say "I love you" to yourself.

Could you say it easily, or did you struggle to say "I love you" when looking in the mirror? This could be a clear indicator of a self-situationship.

Realizing you are in a self-situationship can be like discovering you're the star of a rom-com you never signed up for. But the good news is that just like any other relationship, you can work on improving your bond with yourself.

Let me share with you the things that I'm focusing on to have an improved relationship with myself:

• Setting healthy boundaries, being respectful yet saying "no" when I need to prioritize my well-being.

• Embracing Self-Acceptance, being genuinely okay with who I am as a person instead of making myself feel guilty about not fitting into others' mold of "perfection."

• Celebrating my wins, no matter how small, like the last small win I celebrated was following a healthy sleeping schedule.

• Allowing myself to seek support as and when I need it instead of struggling alone.

Basically, just keep reminding yourself that you deserve the same love, acceptance, and support that you'd offer to someone else. It's time to be your own biggest cheerleader and partner in crime!

In this journey to improve your self-relationship, don't forget the power of positivity and a sprinkle of humor. Treat yourself with kindness, celebrate your achievements (no matter how small), and don't be too hard on yourself when things don't go as planned.

Remember, it's okay to be a work in progress. In fact, it's kind of fabulous! Your self-situationship can transform into a thriving, healthy, and loving relationship with the most important person in your life—you.

-Muskan Santwani