Covid & Me!

I always find myself questioning my worth, in work, in relations, and in everything that I do. And it also makes me question why I question myself so much. (Well, I can question my questions well!)

I was recently diagnosed with covid and well my first thought to myself was "hey okay, maybe you will get time to relax and just binge now and do all the hobbies you wanted to since you will probably be resting!" Fortunate as I am, I had a workplace that supported me to rest, and a family that took care of me but what not many of us know, or rather people who haven't had covid yet is the number of mental ups and downs it brings with it.

Of course, for a time when people were striving for basic needs of oxygen and beds, mental health issues would have anyways taken a back seat because people did die. So covid and the mental health issues it causes couldn't have been a priority. But when you have the privilege of life (and I do call it a privilege because it is) it is difficult to unsee the emotional/mental challenges that covid brings with it.

Of course, the isolation and the weakness are bad enough but the sudden change of perspective, how everything became negative for me, how I was questioning everything from why this person talked to me like this to why hasn't my parlor wali checked up on me, stupid questions and illogical worries. I felt extremely low no matter how many times I watched Friends because it wasn't making any sense. And being a Friends addict and having watched it a gazillion times when I was low, was a big blow again. I could sense that I'm not enjoying anything. One night at 2 am out of nowhere I suddenly started worrying about my degree which is due arrival and how I could have made better choices in life and how everything is a lost cause now.

Thanks to my therapist who knew exactly what I was going through and told me to accept that my body is affected this time and it will take time to be back to who I was. When you have a high temperature, you thinking of Kashmir or Leh doesn't help, does it? Then when your body is that low where it really can't feel happy about anything right now, let's just wait patiently. Let's just be grateful for all the people around who are there and trust that there was a "before covid me", there is a "covid me" and there will of course be an "after covid me!"