"To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours."
- Flora Jessop
When I was googling the quotes related to the victim, some shocking questions appeared:
1) What do you say to someone who plays the victim?
2) How do I stop playing the victim?
3) Who is the primary victim?
4) Famous quote on a victim mentality.
And it seems that the world is biased and stereotyping and somewhere unintentionally blaming the victim. Is being a victim a choice?
It may sometimes be, but not always.
Here is a list of dilemmas that must be considered before blaming the victim for being the victim.
Dilemma 1: There are eligibility Criteria for a victim and perpetrator.
1) Weak, must have suffered more than once from the same perpetrator.
2) Perpetuator should be identified as solid and negative not only by the victim but others too.
3) Perpetuators should have the face of the devil.
BUT: What if one is strong and objected to being oppressed at first instance, zero tolerance policy, you know, perpetrator appears feeble and friendly to many, and he is damn good-looking, ambitious, and seems action-oriented.
Dilemma 2: When the whole world thinks this much oppression is acceptable.
BUT: What if the victim is aware and enlightened and believes in a zero-tolerance policy? (One doesn't need to break the connection, but confront and stand up)
Dilemma 3: When the victim is seen as stupid and weak (to survive in this evil world) when they cannot let go of the "chota mota" issues of gaslighting. E.g., Someone said to laugh out when someone's body shames you.
BUT: These small instances of gaslighting are tearing the victim from the inside out slowly & silently.
Dilemma 4: When the perpetrator is smart enough not to create consistent incidents for gaslighting but does it like a slow poison thing.
BUT: What if these incidents are creating self-doubts making the victim feel if they are sane or not? (Remember Criminal Justice Season 2)
Dilemma 5: Victims don't SEEM victim enough. She does not cry or be sad. Social media shows she is okay.
BUT: They will not upload the silences, the pain, the silent night cries on social media, right?
The above statement aims to understand the different, silent, excruciating forms of mental abuse. Someone isn't shouting at his spouse in public but squeezing her hand so tightly that a silent tear starts falling is also abuse. When a beautiful woman makes fun of her chubby husband in front of everyone, it is abuse. When a mother asks her little daughter to let go, when the daughter complains about her uncle touching her, it is abuse.
Abuse is not always in the form of loud words, violent actions, or an ugly face. And victim's personality doesn't decide if they are the victim but the act of abuse. Similarly, if the perpetrator doesn't fall into the box of villain created by stereotyping society, it doesn't mean he is incapable of abusing others.
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