Picture this: You’re at a dinner party with two guests who have very different personalities. One loves to point out every little mistake you’ve ever made, even reminding you of that one embarrassing moment in third grade. The other guest is your ultimate cheerleader, reassuring you that, yes, you can rock karaoke, even if you have no sense of pitch. These guests are your inner critic and inner coach, and they both play a starring role in how you talk to yourself every day.
Spoiler alert: You get to choose who gets the microphone.
Understanding the Inner Critic
The inner critic is often the voice that highlights our mistakes, fears, and self-doubts. It usually appears when we’re feeling vulnerable or uncertain, such as before an important presentation or after making a mistake. Its intentions may be protective, trying to prevent us from taking risks or experiencing failure, but its approach is often harsh and discouraging. Over time, if left unchecked, this voice can make it difficult to try new things or have confidence in our abilities.
Nurturing the Inner Coach
In contrast, the inner coach is the voice that focuses on growth, resilience, and encouragement. It sees mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures and believes in our potential to improve. The inner coach doesn’t ignore challenges but constructively frames them allowing us to approach obstacles in a more balanced and compassionate. So, how do you turn up the volume on your inner coach and politely ask the critic to take a seat? First, start noticing when each voice shows up. Imagine you’re the director of your own personal sitcom, and these voices are your quirky supporting characters. Pay attention to when your critic likes to jump in (usually right when you’re feeling a little
vulnerable or uncertain) and see if you can gently redirect the conversation.
For example, if your critic says, “You messed that up,” try asking yourself, “What would my inner coach say here?” Maybe it’d sound more like, “Yeah, that didn’t go as planned, but what can I learn from it?”
If you’re up for it, you can even give your inner critic a name—think something light-hearted. Next time it makes an appearance, acknowledge it with a bit of humor: “Thanks for the feedback, Captain Critic, but I think I’ll take a different approach here.”
This can help you see that these criticisms aren’t necessarily facts, just opinions that don’t need to run the show.
Building a Habit of Encouragement
Strengthening your inner coach takes practice, just like learning to ride a bike or trying to make a perfect pancake. Try starting each day with a few affirmations, even if it feels a little silly at first. Tell yourself things like, “I’m doing my best today,” or “I’ve handled challenges before; I can handle this one, too.” And remember, your inner coach isn’t here to tell you that everything’s perfect—it’s here to remind you that you can keep moving forward, even when things aren’t.
With a little practice, you’ll find that this voice gets stronger and more natural, making it easier to bounce back from setbacks and approach life with a bit more humor and resilience. Because, at the end of the day, life is a little like karaoke: you’re going to miss some notes, maybe even forget the lyrics—but your inner coach is there to cheer you on, reminding you that the fun is in the trying.
So grab the mic, tune out the critic, and let your inner coach help you rock the stage!
-Nidhi Jain
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